Time Management Struggles
Caregiver's Journal
The first months after Beloved’s stroke I just navigated the multitude of obstacles in front of us. Medical appointments, tests, bloodwork, groceries, laundry, housework - these task lists grew amid my struggles to navigate everything, all at once, seemingly all the time. Time. No matter how I organized, responded, struggled against, leaned into, TIME just kept one step ahead or behind me. I never seemed to have enough or the right things at the the right time.
I struggled the most with how much longer e v e r y t h i n g took to do. I can be up and running in 20 minutes most mornings however when I add care for Beloved, that time frame jumps up to an hour.
Going somewhere used to be simple: grab the list, my bag and get into the car. Now I have to help Beloved safely navigate to the car, get in, and get us both settled before leaving. He loves to go with me even for running simple errands but each stop requires carefully unloading him, his rolator, and safely navigating both of us to and through the store together. It just seems to take so much longer to do everything.
He is gaining agency and autonomy since the stroke. It takes both time and patience to let him navigate on his own to support the relearning process. My impatience was becoming exhaustive as I embodied these struggles.
Sabbath Moments by Terry Hershey speaks to the ‘Sacrament of the Present Moment’ as a way to ground in and appreciate the present. I shifted recently based on Hershey’s teachings. It began by looking at photos from previous adventures with Beloved. I realized how narrow my focus had become and in the wrong direction.
Beloved died January 12, 2019, and again on January 13, 2019. An electrical problem with his heart was resolved with a defibrillator implant on January 15, 2019. We lived in a world of bonus time and gratitude for every day. Fast forward to 2025 where we have celebrated more death defying milestones to celebrate eight years of marriage this past May.
Somewhere along the way of managing both of our chronic illnesses, I lost the perspective of just how amazing life can be at any moment. The joy, fun, and adventures are still out there. They just needs to be seen through the heart.
So now I am leaning into a new time management perspective. This ‘slowing’ of time to do every single thing is the actual opportunity to savor each moment, the dull and boring ones too, just a wee bit more. I can actually feel the stress of tensed shoulders softening with my breath when I catch myself again and again in this realization.
I tested out a trial run last week when we visited a shopping area I always wanted to go to (See ‘Loving Someone To Death’ 7/8/25 where we rebranded necessary shopping with adventure and lunch). Letting go and leaning into open heartedness is a new path for me.
Faith and Surrender line this pathway. My new mindset doesn’t take away the enormous things ahead of us but it quiets me somewhere inside. This is when I really need the time to be still. To be soft. To be grateful. To breath, exhale, repeat.